Y Kant Katt Read?

I am a writer, obviously. That is, if you can suspend disbelief for a minute and accept that the title also encompasses half-assed bloggers who only write when they have something to bitch about. And I have always thought I am a decent writer, when I actually apply myself. But the truth is, there are a lot of folks out there who would laugh me right out of cyberspace for even thinking something so ludicrous. Why? Because I don't like to read.

Burn them smart-ass books.

Products for Assholes

I don't always try to go for a theme with my product reviews, you know, aside from the whole stupid/useless/WTF thing. But this one worked out pretty well, I must say. Yes...it...worked out well that we live in a society that is so obsessed with the human derriere and the various things that come out of it. And as so many enterprising types know, when the masses reach a consensus, there is almost always an opportunity for moneymaking.

No longer silent, but still deadly: The Sound Princess

Anyone who's ever suffered a public restroom knows the anxiety one can experience there. Stall talkers, lack of toilet paper, and the dreaded 'person talking on their cell phone in the stall next to you and you think they're talking to you so you answer them until you realize they're on a cell phone' present a constant hazard and can make relieving oneself an anxiety-ridden task. But communal washrooms present a whole new source of terror for individuals suffering from a shy bladder.

Show us on the doll: Creepy, weird, and just plain disturbing dolls for children you completely and utterly hate

Dolls are considered by many to be one of an unholy trinity of unnecessarily disturbing things aimed toward children. Clowns and puppets typically take the number two and three spots (though some might argue that ventriloquist dummies deserve an honorable mention) but I'll save those two for another day. Today we are talking about dolls.

As anyone who has followed me on Facebook for any amount of time knows, I have a thing about dolls. Maybe the power of suggestion is particularly strong in this one, but I tend to agree with the many folks out there who find them creepy. Don't get me wrong; there are plenty of dolls out there that are perfectly adorable playthings and attractive, well-crafted collectibles. Nonetheless, it would seem a lot of folks out there in internet land agree there is something unsettling about humanoid objects that can't blink...always watching...watching you sleep...watching you in the can (assuming you keep dolls in the bathroom...you freak). Not cool. So in that spirit, today I would like to show you some dolls. Not just any dolls though...

Fucking Creepy Dolls From the Depths of HELL

Somewhere out there, a therapist is enjoying a new boat. And if I continue making things like the above GIF, mine will be as well.

I have the prettiest mother, everybody thinks so: Bizarre beauty products (NSFW)

Originally posted at Everything2 on November 19, 2010

I'll confess. I don't understand women AT ALL. While not an uncommon complaint, it is especially peculiar in my case being as I'm a woman myself. Whatever, there are plenty of ways to be nuts. Fortunately none of mine involve any of the products we will be discussing today. In the course of my time-wasting forays on the interwebs I had the (mis)fortune of stumbling across a list of strange "beauty" products, and I shall now review some of them for your reading pleasure. Enjoy...or not.

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: The following article is NSFW. May contain nudity, small parts, and ICP. The Schizophasic will not be held responsible for loss of lunch/job/sanity as a result of reading this article. Use at your own risk. Thank you for your consideration. (read: suck it up, you pansy)