Gas Station Story

She was fond of a saying her father once used on her as a teenager, if only for the irony: "Only two types of people are out after midnight; cops and hookers. So until you have a badge, your ass will be in this house by 11:59." It was currently 12:17, but she needed cigarettes and the gas station was a block away.

She went out through the bathroom window

Author's Note: The following story is true. Names have been changed to protect the dim-witted. Because if they were fucking stupid enough to lose their clothes then they almost certainly couldn't handle a day in court.

A few summers ago I lived near a little dive bar out in BFE southern Indiana. Those of you who have actually been here can easily picture what kind of place I'm talking about. At any rate it was the only halfway entertaining place for miles and had good drink specials, so sweet. I spent a lot of time over there during the first few months and quickly made friends with the regulars and the employees. I use the term "friends" loosely; most of these guys believed that an awkward boob grab was a suitable greeting. I suspect that paint huffing during pregnancy was endemic in this area, but I digress.

I have the prettiest mother, everybody thinks so: Bizarre beauty products (NSFW)

Originally posted at Everything2 on November 19, 2010

I'll confess. I don't understand women AT ALL. While not an uncommon complaint, it is especially peculiar in my case being as I'm a woman myself. Whatever, there are plenty of ways to be nuts. Fortunately none of mine involve any of the products we will be discussing today. In the course of my time-wasting forays on the interwebs I had the (mis)fortune of stumbling across a list of strange "beauty" products, and I shall now review some of them for your reading pleasure. Enjoy...or not.

STANDARD DISCLAIMER: The following article is NSFW. May contain nudity, small parts, and ICP. The Schizophasic will not be held responsible for loss of lunch/job/sanity as a result of reading this article. Use at your own risk. Thank you for your consideration. (read: suck it up, you pansy)

It really sucks: A Kirby vacuum salesperson's story

As an HR major (update: former HR major - ed.) and generally distrustful person, I have learned over time how to recognize bogus job opportunities. The rule of thumb is, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Work from home scams are notorious for this and usually the easiest to spot. Maybe it's the cynic in me, but anything promising a large payoff for minimal effort just makes me roll my eyes. Sure, in a perfect world we could make a thousand bucks a month by working a couple hours a day. And in said perfect world beer would be good for us and animals would shit diamonds instead of scented land mines. I can happily say I've never fallen for a work from home scam, but I did fall for something just as bad, if not worse. For three days I was a Kirby vacuum cleaner salesperson.